


Paging Professor Spiderman

by Thunderbirdswolvesandlilacs



Series: The Trials and Tribulations of the Mechanic and the Trickster [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Peter Parker, Bad Touch, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Confused Scott Lang, Consent Issues, Extremis Tony Stark, F/M, Genius Peter Parker, Lectures, Non-Consensual Touching, Not Wanda Friendly, Obsessive Behavior, One-Sided Attraction, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), PowerPoint, Precious Peter Parker, Professor Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Sokovia Accords, Stalking, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Doesn't Like Being Handed Things, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23107873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thunderbirdswolvesandlilacs/pseuds/Thunderbirdswolvesandlilacs
Summary: Peter would be the first to admit that he didn't take high school Health Class seriously.But to be fair nobody did!He knew the important points: Contraceptives weren't 100% effective, get checked for STIs, consent was sexy, and how to identify bad touches.......He just didn't think he'd ever have to address the last two. Let alone lecture a bunch of supposed heroes about it.
Relationships: One sided Wanda Maximoff/Tony Stark - Relationship
Series: The Trials and Tribulations of the Mechanic and the Trickster [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587700
Comments: 42
Kudos: 776





	Paging Professor Spiderman

**Author's Note:**

> Hi All!
> 
> This wasn't what I had in mind for part 4, bbbuuuuttttt the inspiration just came to me and I thought you would all enjoy it so here! The missing scene of Peter/Spiderman lecturing the Avengers about consent! Lol
> 
> Enjoy!

"And so I changed the one compound around and it increased the malleability of the web fluid without it compromising the strength" Peter excitedly proclaimed, barely resisting the urge to bounce in place as he explained to Mr. Stark his latest web fluid design.

"And you're sure the new formula doesn't compromise the strength? It can handle the same amount of weight it could before?" Mr. Stark questioned, his expression one of impressed fascination.

"Well I haven't exactly had the chance to test it out yet, but in theory yeah" Peter admitted sheepishly.

"Well I say there's only one way to-"

_"Boss the Witch is asking for entrance again" Friday cut in, sounding incredibly irate._

Peter swore if AI's could growl she would have.

"My answer hasn't changed" Mr. Stark grit out, trying and failing to cover up the wince at the knowledge of Maximoff's presence.

Peter frowned, his eyebrows scrunching in confusion at Mr. Stark's reaction.

_"I recommend protocol: Pesky Fly" Friday deadpanned, the threat obvious in her tone._

"Bodily harm is not allowed Fri" Mr. Stark exclaimed, rolling his eyes at his AI's dramatics.

_"The lowest setting is little more than a mild shock. The worst she'll end up with is a bad hair day" Friday grumpily argued._

"Lighting her up like a bug zapper counts as bodily harm" Mr. Stark rebuked, though he had an edge to his voice that sounded as if he wanted to say yes.

_"Then what do you suggest to make her leave?" Friday demanded, sounding as if she were daring him to come up with something better._

"She'll go away eventually until then-"

"Wait! Are you telling me she never left?! She was waiting at the lab for you before we even got here! And that was four hours ago!" Peter exclaimed in disbelief.

"She's tenacious" Mr. Stark grumbled unhappily, sounding both exasperated and annoyed.

_"I believe the clinically correct term is obsessive stalker" Friday corrected irately._

"How long has she staked you out for?" Peter inquired warily, an uneasy feeling causing his hair to stand on end, all his senses on full alert.

_"The Witch's record is currently 21 hours 34 minutes and 14 seconds" Friday relayed, seeing that Peter was quickly turning anti-Team Maximoff._

"WHAT?!! That's crazy!" Peter shouted, thinking there was no way he could have heard that right, his super hearing had to be malfunctioning.

"I'll say. It took forever for her to fall asleep" Mr. Stark exclaimed, cringing at the memory.

Peter's mouth dropped open in horrified disbelief.

He knew Maximoff no longer seemed to have a chip on her shoulder when it came to Mr. Stark...

That she was actually pretty friendly to him during the few times he saw them interact on the field…

But this? _This_?

This was the kind of stuff May always warned him about.

"Don't worry your fluffy baby curls with adult stuff Pete" Mr. Stark tried to assure him, patting his shoulder in what was probably supposed to be a comforting way.

_"Boss the Witch has left to go to lunch with the other Rogues" Friday announced, sounding both relieved and ecstatic at the same time._

"Best news I've heard all day" Mr. Stark cheered, throwing his hands up in relief, "What'd you say the two of us split for lunch while we still can?"

"Sure..."

* * *

Ever since he discovered that Maximoff was actually a crazy stalker Peter had been paying much closer attention to all her "interactions" with Mr. Stark.

And holy shit how didn't he see this before!

What he had thought was teammates watching each other's backs was actually Maximoff obsessively following Mr. Stark around the battlefield in order to "help" him (even when she was blatantly ordered elsewhere).

What he had perceived as a delicious pepperoni coated peace offering was actually her salivating attempts at a foot in the door.

Mr. Stark didn't even leave his lab anymore when he was at the Compound it was so bad!

It was ridiculous!

No.

What was ridiculous was the fact _nobody_ but the New Avengers seemed to have a problem with it.

His hair standing on end again, Peter followed his senses to where it claimed the danger was.

Landing on the side of a building, Peter scowled beneath his mask, as he found the culprits, his eyes narrowing sharply at the Rogues.

Tony had lost his suit during their fight with Modok (the most epic technopath vs technopath battle of all time!) and he could hear Maximoff claiming that she "needed" to use him as support because she "hurt" her ankle during the battle.

While Mr. Stark always praised him for his kind heart, Peter wanted nothing more than to rip Maximoff's arms off of his mentor/pseudo-Father and web her to a dumpster.

"That's not nice Tony. Wanda's your teammate and she needs help" he heard Rogers lightly chastise, the bastard on Maximoff's side as always.

Peter couldn't believe he ever actually watched Captain Hypocrite's Educational Videos.

Wait…

A mischievous grin slowly made its way onto his face.

Maybe it was time for a little educating of his own.

* * *

"He lives" Peter heard Barton sarcastically gasp as he made his way closer to the lounge, "We actually started placing bets whether or not you'd starved to death hiding out in your lab"

"Har har Legolas. Let's just say some things are worth braving this harsh unforgiving climate for" Mr. Stark sardonically snipped back.

"Like this?" Peter heard Maximoff sweetly, smugly exclaim, causing him to clench his fists.

Almost there.

Peter expected Mr. Stark to quip back, decline whatever advance Maximoff had come up with this time.

Nothing.

Dead.

Silence.

Fearing for his mentor Peter web-slung the rest of the way down the hall, superhero landing his way into the lounge.

What he saw made his blood boil.

Mr. Stark was frozen, spine ramrod straight as he was paralysed in place, Maximoff's hands wrapped around his own as she took his hand without permission and placed the coffee mug onto his palm, her firm unrelenting grip on his wrist in stark contrast with the unassuming innocent smile spread across her face.

BAD TOUCH ALERT!! BAD TOUCH ALERT!!

TWWWEEEEEETTTTT!!!!!

The unsuspecting sound startling all the room's occupants.

Peter couldn't help the satisfied smile that appeared on his face (hidden by his mask of course) as the coffee mug shattered against the tiled floor, the steaming brown liquid pooling everywhere.

He'd apologize to the cleaning bots later.

"What the hell was that kid?" Barton demanded, giving Spiderman his best disappointed-Dad glare.

Peter resisted the urge to scoff.

As if that would work on him.

" _That_ Mr. Barton was a rape whistle" Peter pointedly exclaimed, letting the whistle drop back down to his suit as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"And it was necessary to blow that becaauuse?" Wilson inquired, trying to figure out Spiderman's angle.

"It is that lack of awareness that you are all gathered here today...Except you Mr. Stark you're excluded from all this of course!" Peter babbled in embarrassment, realizing that in his badass moment he accidentally accused Mr. Stark too.

"All gathered for what?" Rogers all but demanded, crossing his arms across his chest.

Peter cleared his throat.

"Good morning class. I look forward to teaching all of you today about the importance of _consent_ " Peter proclaimed, his tone biting sharp as he emphasized consent.

"………………."

"Hahahahahaha!!!!!"

Peter narrowed his eyes at both Barton and Lang as they full on belly laughed at him.

Just as he was about to web their mouths shut out of spite, Ms. Romanoff elbowed Barton hard in the ribs while Wilson smacked Lang on the shoulder, causing both of them to stop.

"Good one kid. Why are we really here?" Barton huffed amused, a smile still on his face.

Peter was going to enjoy knocking them all down a peg.

When Peter didn't wave it off and joke back Barton and Lang stopped smiling.

"You can't be serious" Lang stated in disbelief, looking back and forth between him and the other Rogues, thoroughly confused.

"I think you'll find this agreement from the UN says I am" Peter darkly proclaimed, pulling out said signed document for all to see.

Naturally Ms. Romanoff was the first to look it over.

"Well?" Rogers inquired, curious if all this was actually legit.

"Say hi to our new guest lecturer" Ms. Romanoff exclaimed, shifting her curious gaze from the paper to Peter, raising an interested eyebrow.

"Seriously?!" Barton exclaimed, sounding appalled.

"How did you manage that kid?" Mr. Stark giggled, looking like he was barely holding back going into full on hysterics, a grateful awe in his eyes that made Peter's chest puff up in pride.

"I respectfully brought forward a motion to the UN for them to look over, and as a colleague they took my considerations seriously and approved" Peter overembellished.

Really the UN just found him young, idealistic, adorable, (and annoying), and the motion was harmless enough that they had just waved him off with the signature and let him do whatever so long as he just stopped bothering them.

"Listen kid-"

"That's Professor Spiderman to you" Peter snapped back with as much authority as he could muster.

"Well. It seems like you have everything here under control _Professor_ " Mr. Stark emphasized, sounding thoroughly amused, "I'll leave you to it then"

The second Peter saw the noticeably downcast Maximoff reach her grubby little paws for Mr. Stark as he made his way out of the lounge Peter moved for his weapon.

TWWEEETTTT!!!

Maximoff winced at the volume, allowing Mr. Stark to escape.

'I love this thing' Peter thought, feeling empowered as he twirled the string in a circle in front of him.

"Friday if you please?" Peter requested, feeling smug.

_"It would be my pleasure" Friday proclaimed, bringing up a holographic screen beside Peter._

"Welcome class to Sensitivity Training 101. Today we're going to focus on a very important topic. No means No...Not yes, or maybe, or if I do this. No" Peter exclaimed, pulling up the PowerPoint he'd been working on the last couple of days.

He even got MJ to help him formulate the graphic examples.

And they were _very_ graphic.

"First on the agenda we will be going over the different definitions of _consent_ "

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the cute little one shot of our little protective Spiderson ;)
> 
> I promise part 5 will pick up where Sweet But Psycho's epilogue left off!!
> 
> **Consent is important!! I know this was a light-hearted work, but the issues are very very real and need to be taken 100% seriously! Rape and nonconsentual touching are _never_ okay, and like in Tony's case, don't let other people tell you that you are "overreacting" to someone's advances! No means No!


End file.
